Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
