just come out here and I will go home with you...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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