I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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