You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
