i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
