I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
