apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
