Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
