I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
