I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
