omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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