I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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