Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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