You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
