I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
