Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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