I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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