so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
