wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
