Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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