i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sober January is a disaster.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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