BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
