I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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