I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
