STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
