i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
