He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
