If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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