Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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