she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
