I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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