Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
