Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize