I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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