my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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