what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
