I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
