I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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