masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Less talking, more tequila
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
