Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
