don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
