My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
