I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
