That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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