just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
