I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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