Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize