she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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