I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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