You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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