remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
