Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
