Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
