"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize