idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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