One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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