dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
