there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
