we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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