you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
