I wanna passion pit in your ass
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
