The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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