Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
