remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
