I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
