Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
