he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
