I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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